RUSTOM Padilla was the very first celebrity that I ever interviewed. Back then, he was the lead star of a play of a reputable theater company, still married to Carmina Villaroel and was one of the fastest rising matinee idols. He was literally, as common folks would say, “magandang lalaki.” Through the years, I watched his movies, read about his personal and career battles, and somehow, it made me realize that the rumor-laden and dog-eat-dog world of entertainment does not deserve a beautiful man like him. Then, Padilla packed his bags, left the country and tried his luck in the United States.

Of late, the prodigal son of showbiz divulged to the public that he is gay. The dramatic revelation was treated with much ambivalence. Some were in shock and wondered what was happening to the world, asking how can an adorable matinee idol turn gay. A few dismissed it as a gimmick to boost the ratings of the show since it was eating dust from its Koreanobela competition. Others were not surprised and opined that it was a pointless exercise because his gayness was already obvious ever since. Majority, however, expressed support for his honesty and courage. His revelation is considered a landmark move and a positive manifestation for the gay community. This beautiful man truly has balls!

TIME TO BE HONEST

“The main reason why I came out is because it was most important for me to know and accept myself,” said Rustom. “To be happy and to be comfortable with who I really am is the main consideration for coming out. With this acceptance comes the acknowledgment of things that I want to do. I realized that I owe it to myself. I cannot expect people to accept me fully unless I accept myself; that will be an unfair imposition on their part. It took a long while because it was not that easy. It would cause pain to the people I love the most. However, with a lot of prayers, I went for broke. Frankly speaking, I was afraid that God will not be able to accept me. So, when my big night came last March 4 and the mariposa arrived in the Big Brother House, I took it as a sign that no matter what happens and no matter who I am, God accepts and loves me. This may sound sacrilegious to most people but I swear, I almost heard Him say that this is the right time to do it.”

One of the most startling parts of his tearful story is when his father beat him up upon discovering that he wore dresses as a child. What made it sadder is the fact that his mother Eva was supportive of the disciplinary measure. How is his relationship with his mom now after the episode?

“She is in the U.S. We will definitely have that heart-to-heart talk. When those things happened I felt rejection. But I realized that my mother probably had the best intentions then. The other side of rejection is definitely acceptance. I’m in the process of healing right now. Coming out was my first bold step. I guess, as the healing begins, so does the forgiving and the forgetting of all the bad memories. Looking at my life right now, despite all the pain and the many layers of hurt, I wouldn’t want to erase any of those experiences for what I am now is the sum of all those experiences. The Rustom you are talking to now is the whole of my 38 years in existence. If you change or erase one part of those 38 years, I don’t think I will be the same person,” Padilla said.

If his father were alive today, would he be this brave? “Yes. I’m not doing this for anyone but myself. If I don’t accept the truth and I will not love who I really am, what’s the point of my life and my existence?”

TIME TO MOVE ON

“At this point my priority is to be given the chance to direct a film,” said Padilla about his career plans. “I finished a directorial course in UCLA. I want to do movies like Y Tu Mama Tambien, Amores Peros, and Bad Education. I want to make well-crafted movies that will entertain, communicate, and educate the viewers. Aside from directing, I also want to do movies where(in) I will do character roles. I am very excited to make new films or TV projects since this is the first time when I will be acting without inhibitions. I am no longer hiding anything. It is such a relief to act naturally with no pretensions at all. I would love to work with Mike de Leon. I will do anything for him. I like his vision as a film director, and as a newbie in the field I know I will learn a lot from him. I’m a fan!”

If director De Leon does cast him in a film and assigns him a gay character who happens to be a flaming parlor queen, will he do it? “I think I won’t look good in a dress or a gown,” he laughed heartily. “I have no qualms doing that but I don’t want to limit myself in doing gay roles just because I am gay. I want people to realize that I’m not just a gay person; I’m a person who happens to be gay. There are many aspects of my life that I can offer as an actor or director that people should not focus on my being gay for it is not the be-all and end-all of my life.”

Rustom admitted that he is blissfully single, is not sexually active, spends his mornings jogging a mean 8 kilometers and walks his pet dog in the afternoon. All the rumors currently hurled at him—from having a debilitating disease and court cases to liaisons to this-and-that guy—are all baseless.

If given the chance to fall in love, he wants a man with principles, someone who is sure of himself, is ready to commit to a gay relationship, with a strong sense of spirituality and, of course, a decent job. He has no idea who the person is and not sure if he will ever come. In case the right man does come along, will he share him to the public and what can he say to “interested parties?”

“Can I just copy the usual answer of Ate Vi (Vilma Santos)?” said Padilla. “Can we just cross the bridge when we get there?” He laughed and continued, “As to the interested parties, what about them? All I can say is bring them on!”

Padilla is elated with the thought that he is giving a new face to the gay community. “I am thankful about it but I just want to remind people that I’m just Rustom. When I wake up in the morning, my everyday challenge is to be a decent and responsible human being. I hope my honesty inspires other people who live in the closet. I hope that through my honesty, I am able to help them in my own little way. That is all I can do for now,” he said.

His advice to other gay men? “There is nothing shameful about being gay especially if you are not doing anything to be ashamed of. Continue being the decent person that you are. Being gay doesn’t give you the excuse to be promiscuous. Make your life count by being a good person. Even if you are blind, deaf or mute, or gay, as long as you use your talent and potentials to the fullest, live decently and love fiercely and wisely, then being gay is all worth it.”